In a time when relationships are often shaped by fleeting trends and surface-level attraction, it’s more important than ever for young women to approach love with wisdom, clarity, and purpose. Choosing a husband isn’t just about finding someone to share life’s joys—it’s about partnering with a man who will walk with you through every season, support your growth, and honor your values. A true partner is one who leads with integrity, loves with humility, and builds a foundation of trust and faith. In this post, we’ll explore the essential qualities a young woman should seek in a husband—qualities that go beyond charm and chemistry to ensure a relationship rooted in strength, respect, and spiritual alignment.
Questions a Young Woman Should Ask Before Marriage
Before a woman commits to marriage, it is essential that she carefully examine the character, intentions, and spiritual life of the man with whom she plans to unite her life. Marriage is a sacred covenant, and entering it without discernment can have lifelong consequences for both partners.
Key Questions to Consider
- Character and Purity of Life:
Has he led a life of integrity and purity? Are his actions and habits consistent with a noble, elevated character? Marriage is not simply about affection—it is about sharing life with someone who strengthens your values and helps you grow spiritually. - Nature of Love and Affection:
Is his love deep and enduring, or is it merely a temporary emotional attachment? A loving relationship should bring peace and joy, rather than anxiety or doubt. - Mutual Respect and Individuality:
Will you be able to maintain your sense of self, judgment, and conscience within the marriage, or will you be expected to surrender your convictions entirely? As a follower of Christ, your life belongs to Him, and this principle must be respected in your relationship. - Spiritual Alignment:
Will this marriage draw you closer to God? Will it help you grow in faith, love, and usefulness to others? Consider whether your potential spouse shares your commitment to living a life guided by Christ. - Family Influence:
Observe how he treats his mother and other family members. Respect and care for one’s family often reflect the qualities a man will show toward his wife. A man who neglects these relationships may struggle to demonstrate love, patience, and kindness in marriage. - Temperament and Patience:
Will he be understanding and patient with mistakes, or critical and overbearing? True love is forgiving, gentle, and supportive—it does not dwell on faults or dominate by selfish desire.
Lessons from Historical Counsel
In a letter to a young woman named Nellie in 1894, Writer Ellen White provided practical guidance that is still relevant today. Nellie was advised to carefully consider the character and spiritual life of her companions. White emphasized the importance of avoiding the influence of irreverent or ungodly individuals, even if they are popular or pleasing acquaintances.
Key Points from the Letter:
- Guard Your Spiritual Life: Associate with those who elevate and refine your character, and avoid those whose habits or attitudes are irreverent, lazy, or profane.
- Value Your Soul: Marriage is a sacred trust, and your life has infinite value in God’s eyes. Do not allow personal attraction or worldly influences to lead you away from His guidance.
- Seek God’s Guidance: Decisions must be made in the fear of God. Consult the Bible, pray earnestly, and rely on the Spirit’s guidance to discern the right choice.
- Be a Witness for Christ: If you must interact with unbelievers, do so with the purpose of uplifting them, never compromising your own character or engaging in frivolity or improper speech.
Practical Guidance for Young Women
- Evaluate Character, Not Just Appearance:
Examine whether he is honest, diligent, godly, and responsible. A man of integrity and faith will be a strong partner in both spiritual and practical matters. - Assess Compatibility in Values:
Marriage is most successful when both partners share similar spiritual goals, moral standards, and life purposes. - Consider Long-Term Happiness:
Ask yourself whether this person will bring enduring peace and joy, not only now but throughout the years of shared life. - Watch for Red Flags:
Traits such as irreverence, laziness, disrespect toward parents, indulgence in vice, or lack of spiritual awareness should be carefully considered before committing to marriage. - Prioritize Spiritual Growth:
Seek a partner who will strengthen your walk with God, not hinder it. Your relationship should encourage both of you to grow in grace, wisdom, and service to others.
Conclusion
Marriage is not merely a union of hearts; it is a covenant of life and faith. A young woman must exercise discernment, prayer, and patience, ensuring that the man she chooses is worthy of her trust and capable of sharing a godly, supportive, and joyful life. By asking these vital questions and seeking God’s guidance, she safeguards her soul and lays the foundation for a marriage that honors Him and nurtures both partners.
