Who Are You Becoming? The Role of Values and Beliefs in Resilience Coaching
Coaching that builds resilience must begin with the heart. Why? Because what lives beneath the surface—your thoughts, convictions, values, and beliefs—will eventually shape the life you live. Take a look at these divine writings and what they say about the heart.
“As he thinks in his heart, so is he.” —Proverbs 23:7
“From the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.” —Matthew 15:18
“Guard your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.” —Proverbs 4:23
In resilience coaching, we’re not just helping people get things done. We’re helping them become someone solid. And nothing forms that inner solidity like clear, aligned values and life-giving beliefs.
1. The Heart: Ground Zero for Transformation
Divine writings are clear: the heart is where everything begins.
- Your mouth reveals what your heart values (Matt. 15:18).
- Your thoughts about yourself shape your identity (Prov. 23:7).
- Your choices spring from the condition of your inner world (Prov. 4:23).
In coaching, we listen for the heart. Not just the actions a person takes—but the beliefs that drive them. We don’t slap goals over disordered hearts. We bring clients back to where truth begins: their spiritual and emotional center.
Before someone can move forward, they must first look inward.
2. What Are Values? And Why Do They Matter in Coaching?
Values are what we hold most precious—our compass for meaning. They are:
- Deep-rooted qualities we treasure: honesty, love, justice, purpose, peace
- Shaped early by our faith, culture, family, and pain
- Anchors that keep us from being tossed by emotions and circumstances
When people feel lost, off-center, or stuck, it’s often because they are disconnected from their values. Or they are living in tension with them.
As resilience coaches, we help clients identify:
- What really matters to you?
- Where are you not living in alignment with that?
- What would it look like to honor that value in your current situation?
Clarity on values brings clients home to themselves—and opens up powerful momentum for change.
3. Beliefs: The Invisible Framework of Life
Beliefs are the lenses through which we interpret the world. They define:
- Who we think we are
- What we expect from others
- What we assume about God, purpose, possibility, and pain
Some beliefs are empowering:
- “God is guiding me—so I can walk by faith.”
- “My past doesn’t disqualify me from purpose.”
- “I have something meaningful to offer the world.”
Others are limiting:
- “I’m too old.”
- “If I fail, I’ll disappoint everyone.”
- “I can’t change.”
These beliefs often run on autopilot—until coaching brings them into view.
What we believe becomes our lived experience, even if it’s not objectively true.
In resilience coaching, we uncover the hidden narratives. And through reflective dialogue, prayer, and practical reframing, we help clients replace lies with truth—not just cognitively, but at the heart level.
4. When Values and Goals Are Out of Sync
Coaching invites clients to test whether their goals align with their beliefs and values.
For example:
- A client may say, “I want to grow my business,” but they deeply value Sabbath rest and family time. If their business plan violates those values, it will drain them—even if it succeeds.
- Another might say, “I want to serve in ministry,” but their underlying belief is “I’m not good enough to lead.” This creates inner resistance and self-sabotage.
The coach gently holds up a mirror:
- “What’s the deeper value behind this goal?”
- “What might be competing for your heart’s allegiance?”
- “How can your next steps reflect both calling and alignment?”
This sacred work creates authentic action—not hustle.
5. The Case of Hawa: A Belief that Changed Everything
The story of Hawa (Eve) is a poignant illustration. Created in beauty and dignity, she was deceived into believing God was withholding something essential. The false belief—“If I take this, I’ll finally be fulfilled”—led to disobedience, shame, and separation.
Her experience reminds us:
- A single limiting belief can distort everything
- The whisper of a lie often targets our most sacred values
- Only God’s covering can restore our identity and direction
As resilience coaches, we help clients unearth where their beliefs turned—and gently walk with them toward truth and restoration.
6. Why Examining Values and Beliefs Unlocks Resilience
When clients feel disoriented or stagnant, it’s often because of:
- Conflicting values (e.g. family vs. financial ambition)
- Unconscious beliefs (e.g. “Rest is laziness”)
- Value amnesia (forgetting what they once held dear)
Your role as a coach is not to impose truth—but to help them see what’s true for them, and invite the Holy Spirit to recalibrate their compass.
Key questions:
- “What value is being honored—or violated—right now?”
- “Where did that belief come from?”
- “Is it still true? Is it life-giving?”
- “What does God say about this?”
This process leads to clarity, peace, motivation, and spiritual maturity.
7. The Ripple Effect of Clear Values
Here’s what happens when a person realigns with their deepest convictions:
- Decisions get easier. Values serve as filters.
- Stress decreases. Integrity brings peace.
- Motivation increases. Clarity fuels action.
- Confusion subsides. Direction becomes intuitive.
- Life becomes worship. Actions align with faith.
Values don’t just tell us who we are—they remind us whose we are.
8. Coaching Practice: Naming the Gap
In a coaching session, listen closely for the gaps:
- The difference between what a person says they value and how they’re living.
- The contradiction between what they believe and what God says is true.
Your job? Don’t accuse. Illuminate:
“You mentioned how important rest and family are to you. But I hear you describing a schedule that leaves you drained. Can we explore that tension together?”
Or…
“You say you want to serve, but you also said you’re afraid of being seen. What do you believe might happen if you step forward?”
These are not confrontations—they are invitations into integrity.
Final Reflection: Let God’s Light Clarify the Compass
When Jesus asked, “Where are your accusers?” (John 8:10), He wasn’t seeking information. He was igniting reflection. In that moment, He re-centered a woman who had been buried beneath guilt, shame, and false beliefs.
Likewise, resilience coaching isn’t just about helping people succeed. It’s about helping them return to truth—to see clearly, live honestly, and walk freely.
Because when a person knows what they value, believes what God says, and acts in alignment, their resilience becomes rooted in righteousness.
Where the Heart Is: Coaching Through Values for Lasting Change
“For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.”
— Proverbs 23:7
“For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.”
— Matthew 12:34
Values aren’t just nice words we put on wall art or use in mission statements. In resilience coaching, values are the engine under the hood—the deep drivers of decision, desire, and direction.
They tell us who a person really is. They reveal what matters most. And most importantly? They determine whether change will be temporary or transformational.
1. What You Think in Your Heart—You Become
Proverbs 23:7 reminds us that thought life is identity-shaping. What we repeatedly dwell on in the heart eventually defines our choices, shapes our habits, and becomes our character. As coaches, we ask:
- What do you believe about yourself right now?
- Are those beliefs rooted in truth or in past trauma?
- How are your heart’s patterns shaping your life’s outcomes?
If the heart is full of fear, self-doubt, or shame, the person will live small, stuck, and hesitant. But if the heart is full of purpose, gratitude, and grace, the person begins to rise into their calling.
Resilience coaching helps people rewire what they think in their hearts so they can reclaim who they are becoming.
2. You Speak What You Treasure
Matthew 12:34 echoes this idea powerfully: “Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.”
Want to know what someone really values?
Listen to what they keep talking about:
- Their dreams
- Their frustrations
- Their hopes
- Their complaints
- Their longings
Words reveal heart. And as a resilience coach, it’s not just what someone says—it’s how often, with what energy, and with what urgency.
That’s why coaching is grounded in active listening: not just to facts, but to values. You’re listening for the treasure buried beneath the surface story.
3. Values: The Starting Place for Every Change
In the Positive Permanent Change Coaching Model™ from the Adventist Christian Coaching Alliance, values anchor the entire coaching process. They’re the bedrock of:
- Realization (What matters most?)
- Vision (What future am I moving toward?)
- Planning (What will I prioritize?)
- Action (What will I do, and what will I sacrifice to do it?)
- Progress (Am I moving in a direction that still aligns with my heart?)
Without values, a person might grow in the wrong direction—like a tall tree with no roots.
4. Helping Clients Identify What’s in Their Heart
Good coaching is more than conversation—it’s a mirror to the soul. We guide people to reflect and own their internal compass.
This often starts with one powerful question:
“What matters most to you right now?”
Here are other value-centered prompts you might use in a coaching conversation:
- “What would you fight for, even if it cost you?”
- “When have you felt most fulfilled in life?”
- “Who do you admire—and what values do they reflect?”
- “What drains you quickly? What fuels you deeply?”
- “If you could only be remembered for one thing, what would it be?”
The client must do the soul work. You, the coach, are the lantern bearer.
5. How Values Shape S.M.A.R.T. Goals and Motivation
Here’s where things get practical. Every effective goal (especially in resilience coaching) must be rooted in a value.
For example:
- If someone values freedom, then a goal to downsize debt isn’t just financial—it’s soul-liberating.
- If someone values family, then their career move must protect that priority.
- If someone values spiritual growth, then taking a leadership position in church isn’t just about service—it’s alignment.
When values shape SMART goals, clients gain:
- Clarity: “I know exactly what I’m pursuing.”
- Power: “This is my choice, not anyone else’s.”
- Motivation: “Even when it’s hard, I’ll keep going because it’s worth it.”
- Boundaries: “This helps me say yes and no with confidence.”
Goals without values become burdens. Goals with values become movements.
6. Practice Scenario: Coaching Samantha Through Her Storm
Let’s bring this home with a live example:
Samantha tells you: “I’m tired of life just spinning. I feel like I have no purpose. I love helping others find their calling—but I can’t seem to find mine.”
Here’s how you’d begin:
Step 1: Help her clarify her values.
- “Samantha, you mentioned helping others find their calling lights you up. Why is that meaningful to you?”
- “What kinds of people or causes stir your passion?”
Step 2: Reflect what you’re hearing.
- “I hear a hunger for purpose and service. You seem to deeply value impact, clarity, and maybe even legacy.”
Step 3: Move toward a grounded goal.
- “If you could channel that passion this month—even in a small way—what would you want to do?”
- “What would give you energy and feel purposeful, even before you ‘have it all figured out’?”
From there, you’d co-create a micro-goal that reconnects Samantha to her values and reawakens her hope.
Final Thought: Your Values Are Not Just Your Beliefs—They Are Your Blueprint
As the proverb says, “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.”
When resilience coaching aligns action with values, identity gets rewritten, shame gets replaced with strength, and procrastination gives way to passion.
Coaching becomes not just goal-setting, but soul-settling.
