Draw It Out: The Transformational Power of Asking Questions in Resilience Coaching
There’s a depth inside every person—an internal well of desire, pain, belief, and purpose. Yet, most people live with a lid on that well, only sipping from the surface. The role of a resilience coach is to gently lift that lid and help the client draw out what’s already there.
How? Through powerful, spirit-led, intentional questions.
Why Questions Matter More Than Answers
The coaching conversation is never about showing how smart the coach is. It’s about awakening self-awareness and self-responsibility in the client. Unlike counseling, which often processes the past, or consulting, which prescribes solutions, coaching listens deeply and questions wisely.
Great coaches become men and women of understanding who patiently draw out the client’s buried purpose and insight. In resilience coaching, this is sacred ground: the questions asked often become the turning points in a person’s healing journey.
Two Kinds of Questions—and Why Only One Opens Doors
Closed-Ended Questions
These questions can be answered with a simple “yes” or “no.” They often:
- Shut down deeper thinking
- Suggest an assumed answer
- End the conversation rather than extending it
Examples:
- “Did the call go well?”
- “Could you ask for help?”
- “Is there anything you can do about that?”
Open-Ended Questions
Open-ended questions are invitations—not instructions. They:
- Require reflection
- Create spaciousness for discovery
- Put the client in the driver’s seat
Examples:
- “How did the call to your uncle go?”
- “Who could you talk to about this?”
- “What would you like to do about that?”
- “What’s a possible next step you can take?”
In resilience coaching, open-ended questions aren’t just preferred—they are essential. They allow the client to think, feel, decide, and own their transformation.
Avoiding the Trap of Solution-Oriented Questions
Some questions look open—but subtly pressure the client with pre-suggested solutions. These are Solution-Oriented Questions (S.O.Q.). While well-intentioned, they move the focus away from client-led ownership to coach-driven direction.
Examples:
- “Have you thought about sending her flowers?”
- “Couldn’t you just sell the car?”
- “Wouldn’t it work to take time off and rest?”
Instead, a true resilience coach rephrases:
- “What could you do to reconnect with her?”
- “What do you think might be a solution with your car?”
- “What do you need right now to feel renewed?”
The difference is more than semantics—it’s the difference between control and collaboration.
The Power of Probing and Follow-Up
Sometimes, the client starts to share something rich, and the conversation needs to go deeper. That’s where probing questions extend insight.
Probing questions include:
- “Tell me more about that.”
- “What led up to this moment?”
- “How did that make you feel?”
- “You mentioned ___. Could we explore that more?”
- “What was significant for you in that experience?”
When used with care and curiosity, these questions feel like soul excavators—helping the client discover hidden truths they might never have unearthed on their own.
The “Why” Question Dilemma
While “why” questions can be insightful, they often trigger defensiveness or over-explanation. In resilience coaching, especially when trust is still being built, it’s wiser to start with “what,” “how,” or “when.”
- Instead of “Why didn’t you take action?” → Try: “What kept you from moving forward?”
- Instead of “Why do you feel afraid?” → Try: “What fear are you sensing underneath this?”
The goal is insight without accusation.
God’s Model: Coaching through Questions
Amazingly, God Himself models the power of questioning:
1. Genesis 3:9 — “Where are you?”
God didn’t accuse Adam and Eve. He invited awareness. Location, in the biblical context, is spiritual and emotional as much as physical. Where are you now, really?
2. Job 7:1 — “Are not his days like the days of a hired man?”
God engaged Job’s pain not with lectures—but with dialogue. Questions became the method of divine exploration and restoration.
3. John 8:10 — “Where are your accusers?”
Jesus asked Mary Magdalene a redemptive question. It wasn’t for information—it was for transformation.
This divine method shows that questions create revelation, not just information.
Asking Questions Creates Movement
Through the ask-answer-discuss rhythm, coaching helps clients:
- Think more clearly
- Discover hidden motivations
- Reframe their problems
- Generate vision
- Take ownership
- Build resilience from within
Every powerful question is like a hand on the rope, drawing water from the deep well of the client’s purpose and pain—and lifting it into the light.
Final Reflections for Coaches
Before each session, the resilience coach might pray or declare:
“God, help me ask what You would ask—so I can help this client hear what You already see.”
Because coaching isn’t just about good technique. It’s about humility, discernment, and the sacredness of listening.
So if you’re mentoring, facilitating, or leading someone toward restoration—don’t rush to solve. Slow down and ask. That might be the very thing that changes everything.
