Can You Identify Your Love Style? A Resilience Coach’s Guide to Building Enduring Relationships

Question 2: Can You Identify Your Love Style?

Introduction: This summary presents fundamental insights into humanistic love, focusing on its nature, the ways it is expressed, and the essential elements for sustaining love over a lifetime.

Key Principles:

Defining Love – According to psychologist Robert Sternberg, love is best understood as a triangle with three essential components: passion, intimacy, and commitment. The strength of commitment plays a crucial role in sustaining love and ensuring the health of a marriage.
Giving and Receiving Love – Individuals perceive and express love differently. While some value words of affirmation, others prioritize physical intimacy, passion, or commitment. A well-balanced relationship integrates all three aspects to foster deep emotional connection.
Sustaining Love Over Time – A lasting and successful marriage requires consistent effort from both partners. Love is cultivated through:
1. Passion: Keeping the relationship alive with excitement and appreciation.
1. Intimacy: Building emotional closeness and trust.
1. Commitment: Remaining steadfast in loyalty and dedication to the relationship.

Conclusion: Love is an evolving journey that must be learned and relearned over time. By nurturing passion, intimacy, and commitment, couples can foster enduring and fulfilling relationships.

Detailed article

Love is often seen as a feeling—intense, spontaneous, and magical. But in reality, love is a practice, a choice, and a skill that evolves over time. Understanding your love style is essential not only for romantic fulfillment but also for building emotional resilience in relationships.

In resilience coaching, we help individuals and couples explore their emotional patterns, communication styles, and attachment needs to foster deeper, more sustainable love. This article dives into the psychology of love, how it’s expressed, and how to nurture it over a lifetime.

1. Defining Love: The Triangular Theory by Robert Sternberg

Psychologist Robert Sternberg developed the Triangular Theory of Love, which defines love as a dynamic interplay of three components [1]:

Passion: Physical attraction, sexual desire, and emotional intensity.
Intimacy: Emotional closeness, trust, and vulnerability.
Commitment: The decision to love someone and maintain that love over time.

These components form different types of love depending on their balance. For example:

Infatuation = Passion only
Companionate love = Intimacy + Commitment
Consummate love = All three components in harmony

Understanding this triangle helps couples assess where their relationship stands and what areas need nurturing.

Resilience Tip: Use Sternberg’s triangle as a relationship check-in tool. Ask: “Which corner of our triangle feels strong? Which one needs attention?”

2. Giving and Receiving Love: The Role of Love Languages

Not everyone expresses love the same way. According to Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages, people tend to give and receive love through:

Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Acts of Service
Physical Touch
Receiving Gifts [2]

Understanding your partner’s love language can dramatically improve emotional connection and reduce misunderstandings. For example, someone who values quality time may feel unloved if their partner is always distracted, even if they receive gifts or compliments.

Resilience Coaching Tip: Identify your primary love language and your partner’s. Practice expressing love in their language—even if it’s different from yours. This builds empathy and emotional flexibility.

3. Sustaining Love Over Time: The Psychology of Long-Term Connection

Love isn’t static—it changes with time, stress, and life transitions. Research shows that couples who maintain emotional intimacy, express affection, and stay curious about each other tend to sustain love longer [3].

Dr. Arthur Aron’s Self-Expansion Theory suggests that relationships thrive when partners grow together—emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually [4].

Resilience Insight: Growth fuels connection. When couples support each other’s personal development, they deepen their bond and avoid stagnation.

Coaching Practices for Sustaining Love:

Passion: Keep novelty alive—try new experiences, express appreciation, and flirt often.
Intimacy: Share fears, dreams, and daily reflections. Practice emotional vulnerability.
Commitment: Reaffirm your dedication regularly. Celebrate milestones and weather challenges as a team.

4. Emotional Intimacy: The Heart of Resilient Love

Emotional intimacy is the ability to feel safe, seen, and understood in a relationship. It’s built through trust, vulnerability, and consistent emotional presence [5].

Couples who prioritize emotional intimacy:

Communicate openly and without judgment.
Validate each other’s feelings.
Resolve conflict constructively.

Resilience Strategy: Create rituals of connection—like weekly emotional check-ins or shared journaling. These habits build emotional safety and deepen intimacy.

5. Commitment: The Anchor of Lasting Love

Commitment isn’t just about staying together—it’s about choosing each other daily, especially during hard times. It’s the glue that holds relationships through transitions, setbacks, and growth spurts.

In resilience coaching, we teach that commitment is a practice, not a passive state. It involves:

Showing up consistently.
Honoring agreements.
Supporting each other’s healing and evolution.

Tip: Revisit your shared values and goals. Ask: “What are we building together?” This reinforces purpose and unity.

Conclusion: Love Is a Journey of Learning and Relearning

Love isn’t something you find—it’s something you build. By understanding your love style, nurturing emotional intimacy, and practicing resilience, you can create a relationship that’s not only lasting but deeply fulfilling.

Whether you’re in a new relationship or decades into marriage, remember: